Thinking

I've been working really hard on my attitude lately. I have been trying to focus on the positive. It's been a good week because of this.
Today has been really rough. I'm having a hard time not letting someone else's negativity not get to me- especially because it's directed towards me. I am writing here to hopefully let this go into a more positive outlet.

Second chances

I'm having one of those days today- a day where a misspoken phrase felt like an insult, where my plans didn't go as I wanted them to, a day that would usually leave me feeling bitter and upset.  I won't lie... bitterness and upset definitely occurred, but I am not ending the day on that feeling.  God gave me a second chance.  I was able to look logically at the supposed insult and see that the person most likely didn't mean it as that.  My plans were thwarted, but I still got a lot done and had a successful day.  And finally, I was able to help another person.  I am finding that helping others is truly my calling in life.  I don't always have the answers, but when I am able to help someone, I feel absolutely amazing.  It's the best feeling in the world.  I am so thankful to God for not giving up on me.  He always finds a way to bring me back to my best, especially when I least deserve it.

Happy

I am happy.  My life is good enough, I am good enough.  I am content.
There were times I never, ever thought I'd be able to write those words.  I've realized that I spend so much time trying to change who I am and how I do things, that I never enjoy my life and myself for the way I already am.
I will be 30 next month.  A new decade.  Looking back, this past decade brought me a husband, two children, a home, and a job that I love. That's pretty amazing.  The next chapter of my life, my 30's, seems a bit more daunting.  I feel like I've accomplished the "biggies" in life- marriage, kids, house, and job.  It's satisfying to know that I only need to build on this great foundation that's already been laid. I am very blessed to be where I am, and at such a young age.  I know that some people don't find their passion or fulfillment until much later in life.  (Not that there is anything wrong with that!)  I am very excited to see what this part of my life will hold. 

Reflecting

Three weeks... three weeks.  I return to work in three weeks! With the nearing end of every summer, I start to frantically look over the stacks of books I should've read, the organizing I should've done, the to-do list that didn't quite get ta-da'd... but this time, it's a bit different.  Instead of looking at what I didn't do, here is what I DID:
- organized and purged six years worth of teaching files (do you know how bad that was?)
- organized and purged six years worth of teaching "stuff" (that was as bad as it sounds)
- rearranged the master bedroom into an arrangement that I think will work for me since my workspace is in our bedroom
- took the boys swimming
- took the boys to Six Flags
- took the boys on several playdates
- read lots of books, just for fun
- decluttered our entertainment center
- decluttered both boys' bedrooms

I'm sure there is more, but those are the major things. 

I am currently reading a book called Awakened: Changing Your Mindset to Transform Your Teaching by Angela Powell.  This woman is my teacher heroine.  I bought her book The Cornerstone last year and LOVED it.  She is a real, honest teacher, who writes from a been there done that perspective.  This book is about how we think- the negative thoughts that can consume our lives.  From the first page, I felt like this book was written for me.  I'm a person who can let one teensy tiny thing ruin an entire day.  Her book is all about retraining your mind to focus on reality (which usually isn't as bad as what your mind is creating) and not dwelling on the negative.  Did I mention how much I love her?  :-)
I'm also going to reread The Cornerstone in the next few days and hone in on some must do things for back to school.  This year will be the best year yet.  I am returning to Dallas, and now that I've had a year under my belt, I am ready to conquer this new year.  I have some goals that I want to reach, both personal and professional, and I am excited to see that happen.  I am also super excited to get my first ever BIG classroom!  I've never had a BIG classroom.  I can't wait to get up to school and start working in my room (and get the aforementioned six years of teaching stuff and files out of my dining room!)

Rejection

I almost didn't write this post, because to actually put it into words makes it real. But making something real and dealing with it is part of the healing process. 
I was rejected.  Like,  last kid picked for the dodgeball team rejected-- except I wasn't even picked!  Being rejected brought a lot of my fears and insecurities to the surface, and that is never easy.  Let me explain.
So, I used to work at a school.  I worked there for 5 years- loved it.  However, it was my first and only teaching job.  So last school year, I spread my wings and flew to a charter school in Dallas for a new experience.  Loved, loved it.  Didn't love the 45 minute commute in the craziness of rush hour traffic twice a day.  So, I decided to pursue returning to my first school.  After much waiting, I was finally interviewed.  Very next day, I got a call for a second interview.  Woohoo- I've got this, right?  Yeah, not so much.  Finally found out, in quite a roundabout way, that I did not get the job.  I should mention that those who interviewed me were former coworkers, people I knew.  So, while I didn't expect to get the job just because I used to work there (because, hey! I am pretty dang awesome!), I had high hopes.  So finding out that a stranger was chosen over me smarted a bit.  I cried (yes, tears).  I yelled.  I ranted.  Then, I got over it. 
I still have a job.  I'm very lucky.  I love my job- again, not the commute, but I have a plan to use that time more wisely.  I realize that God knew I wasn't going to get the job.  He knew that I was going to return to Dallas.  And He knows why.  Like my amazing grandmother told me yesterday, "Kristin, sometimes what we want isn't what we need."  Yes, my grandmother is quite wise. So now that I know I am returning to Dallas as a second grade teacher, I am determined to make this my best year yet!   

A first!

Today I went to my first tv show taping! I went with my best friend Astreia. She got tickets to see the auditions for X Factor in Dallas. It was so much fun!! We did have to do a lot of waiting, but once the show started, I had a blast!! I am a huge fan of shows like this, so being in the audience was a dream come true for me!

The upcoming school year

I know it's still June, but I am already thinking ahead to the upcoming school year.  This past year was absolutely insane.  I was stressed, sick, tired ALL the time.  I felt like I had absolutely no life.  I wanted to blame my new job, but I realize now that it wasn't my job's fault, it was my inability to manage well.  I'm not blaming myself, because I think the first year of anything is the learning curve-so I've learned that what I did last year didn't work!  My goal this summer is to take a realistic look at my life, schedule, and responsibilities, and figure out the best way to manage.  I have a few goals for myself:
1. Make a master list of meals that our family likes to eat.  This will make meal planning much easier, since that is my responsiblity.
2.  Create a weekly schedule and assign household duties to different days of the week.  I'm tired of spending our weekends cleaning the house. I want to do a little bit each day, rather than letting it all pile up.
3.  Get lesson planning under control and create certain days for grading.  This is what KILLED me last year.  I felt like I spent my entire evenings grading papers or preparing lessons.  I've learned that I don't have to grade every single paper!  (Thank goodness!!)  For lesson planning, I've started on this already.  I've gone through all of my files (6 years' worth!) and placed them into subject related envelopes.  I'm also compiling electronic resources from Lakeshore Learning.  They have lots of great activities, lesson plans, etc. for FREE! (Did I mention FREE??)  I am saving the pdf files to my jump drive into subject related folders.  When I am planning a unit, it will all be there!  I also plan  to create a binder for each subject area, then put the lessons and resources I use into those binders.  This will be an ongoing task throughout the year, because doing it all at once would just be too overwhelming!

Okay- that's three goals.  I think they're doable and realistic.  I will keep posting here (I promise!) to keep everyone who cares ;-) updated on my progress.

Father's Day

We went to Six Flags for Father's Day (it was my husband's choice, I promise!)  The 103 degree temperatures were miserable towards the end, but the first part of the day was a lot of fun.  I really enjoy days where the four of us are together, as a family.  I know that all too soon, it will no longer be "cool" to hang out with mom and dad on the weekends.  I need to remember that, and cherish these moments with my boys for as long as I can.

Summer!

Summer is here!!  8 weeks of not working... unless I want to.  With summer comes the inevitable to do list.  I always vow to read this book, or improve on that area.  This year, no.  I decided to actually enjoy a break for once.  I've already read 6 books in the last week and a half.  (all by Karen Kingsbury, who is amazing!)  I am currently tackling the 14 boxes and containers that hold 6 years worth of teaching materials, books, etc.  That is my one summer project that I MUST do.  I am really excited about starting off the next school year more organized.
We've already had playdates with friends... which is a vital part of enjoying this break.  We are going to Six Flags this weekend- can't wait!
Hoping to do more posting on this blog throughout the summer, because when school starts back, my posts will dwindle...

Organization

I'm not organized. I dream of being organized. Clutter and chaos make me batty and yet both are a part of my daily life. I usually let things build up and then get so overwhelmed that I can't deal with it. I work full time and don't have a lot of free time. So today I decided to do something about it- I signed up for FlyLady. I also starte using Cozi on my phone to keep up with our family calendar. I'm hoping these things will help my life to not feel so out of control.

Baseball mom!

I never thought I'd be a sports mom... but I am!  Gabriel has played baseball for the past two years, but he had sporadic practices and one game per week.  This year, both boys are playing.  They both have weekly practice plus 2 games each per week.  It's been busy, to say the least!  They really enjoy it.  I am learning that I am almost always the youngest mom at gatherings such as these.  It makes me feel a bit isolated, though I try to interact with the other moms.  I don't seem to have as much in common with them, because I am not carrying a Coach purse and wearing designer clothes... but that's okay.  I do try to talk to them, but as soon as the conversations turn to calories burned on the treadmill and how expensive their latest purchase of running shoes was, I tune out.  I can say that listening to them is sometimes entertaining. 
I am learning from this experience that I am very thankful for the way my boys were made.  They are not perfect, because they are human, but they are overall really good kids.
Nicholas has been dealing with some bullies (younger siblings of Gabriel's teammates).  I've had to resist the urge to put a smack down on two 5 year olds and just let him deal with it. I learned that Nicholas is going to be just fine... he dealt with it and didn't give them the satisfaction of a reaction.  I was very proud of him.

First post

Let's see... this is my fourth or fifth attempt at blogging... not sure why I've never been able to stick with one.  Maybe I tried to narrow it down too much... maybe my lack of commitment... who knows.  Anyways... this blog is going to be my outlet.  I'm one of those people who is insanely creative in my brain... but that's as far as it goes. I can design things in my head, make a plan... but it stops there.  I can't draw, sew, craft, etc.  But I can write.  I've been writing since elementary school.  I love it.  It's my creative, cathartic outlet.  I wish there was a cool finished product to show off, as there is with sewing and drawing, but alas, it's just me and my thoughts. 
Creating a blog is always the hardest at the beginning... thinking of a title, designing a background.  Surprisingly enough, the name popped in my head rather quickly.  I like it- it sums up everything I feel about my life.  "It's never easy, but it's always worth it."
So, if you have stumbled upon me randomly, welcome to my life.  If you already know me, then prepare to know me a little more than you may have ever wanted to.  :-) 

Here's me in a nutshell:  I'm 29 years old, and I've been married for 8 1/2 years to my husband, Homero.  We have two boys.  Nicholas is 5 and Gabriel is almost 8.  Both boys play baseball, so that's where you will find us three days a week- practice and games.  I work as a second grade teacher at a charter school in Dallas.  My husband does auto body repair work.  When we aren't working or attending baseball games, you can find our family at Six Flags.  For the first time ever, we got season passes and we are LOVING it!  The boys love going, and I love that we have an entertainment option whenever we want it.
Well, you made it through the first post.  I can't promise that my blog will always be entertaining, but it will be real.  I don't do fake.  :-)